"Battle of NOC" - VD vs Pune Traffic Police

Let me take you to the memory lanes of late 2006 and early 2007. I had been living peacefully in Pune for past 3 years with my 3 flat-mates - Yusuf, Anoop and Shailendra, all working in Mahindra British Telecom. In a city like Pune, where public transportation is so bad, I had my Hero Honda Splendor numbering MP-07 - _ _ _ _ (Of course I’ll not divulge my personal details on internet :P) with me which had just completed her 5th birthday in Aug. All Pune vehicles are numberd MH-12. Until around September, everything was OK except for occasional stoppages by traffic cops for some gross traffic violations. For those of you, who might think, I might have got over-speeding tickets, let me tell you I never over-sped. It’s not that I liked to follow rules, but my darling Splendor never allowed me to go beyond 50KmPH! It used to hmmmmm bzzzzzzz krrrrrr when I tried doing that with her. Well, that didn’t hurt either coz Pune's traffic put a virtual ceiling on bike speed too. On those occasional times, Traffic Thullas (slang for traffic cops) used to always ask for my NOC (No Objection Certificate) which I didn’t have and I had to pay 50 - 100 bucks every time. But please note that this was pretty occasional and ‘life was still very beautiful’. I could easily afford 50 bucks in a month or two rather than gritting my teeth while getting an NOC from Gwalior (which I later found would have costed me 4000 bucks!! Can you believe that?)

I had to go to my work place Persistent Systems at Senapati Bapat Road driving around 5 KM from my house in Kothrud. It had never hurt me so far. But in my path to office, there came this God forbidden traffic junction near the Paud Road flyover. You bet, you cannot pass this junction without saying "Hi" to the traffic signals and stopping there for a good amount of your life. It looked as if somebody squeezed the neck of a 20 meters broad road and made it permanently squeaky at that junction. One day I found myself standing ahead of the traffic waiting for the signal and suddenly a traffic cop asked me to bring my bike to the side. That day I got a divine realization, they were deliberately targeting ‘out of state’ people by looking for ‘out of state’ registration plates! I tried my Marathi language skills (which I had learnt fairly new) with him, but I was no match (“Kaka jau dya na. Mi NOC kadhlay, pan gharat visarloy.. parat yetana gheun yein.. nakkich ;-)”) . I ended up paying 50 bucks that day. Anyways, I THOUGHT at least I had made the cop my friend and the next time he wont stop me. A couple of days later I found myself again standing in front of the whole traffic waiting for the signal to turn green (That red signal felt like eternity). I was of course cursing myself for being so callous of being at the forefront again. How could I be so foolish? I could see the ‘Now friendly Traffic Kaka’ standing far right. I had barely raised my hand and moved my head in recognition when another tight looking cop signaled me to bring my bike aside. I obeyed him grudgingly and did all the pleading again of being a "poor student". He didn’t budge. I also tried calling my "now related traffic kaka" to help me but to no avail. Believe me they were all blood sucking parasites. That month I ended up getting caught 3 times. This atrocity went right through my ego and there I stood, helpless but determined to take REVENGE.

Now comes the defensive and revengeful strategies part. I knew where ever the white uniformed cops would see me they were bound to stop me. I devised a lot of tactics to save myself from the agony. Please follow...

1. I used to stop my bike well 50 mtrs before the fateful traffic junctions and as the light turned green used to race my bike like Indian batsmen race to pavilion while chasing a score, without even looking right or left.

2. I started keeping all my money in my back pocket with just 10 - 20 bucks in my wallet :-) (smart idea hmmm). I knew they were blood hounds but cheap ones. I got away using this idea a lot. I used to flag open my wallet in front of them and used this idea slyly with my "poor student" label. :D

3. I also tried putting a lot of dirt and soil on my number plate, so my MP - 07 would disguise as MH - something. It was working pretty neat until the apartment watchman cleaned my bike and MP-07 was shining again :-(

4. I started avoiding major junctions completely. I started snaking my way through by-lanes to my destinations. Positive side was, I got to know a whole lot about Pune by-lanes by the time I left for US :-)

5. The most daring ones were the complete disrespect for the cops' calls!! A couple of times I was about to land into the dens of cops, but I somehow sensed it and stopped way before. They used to call me by gesturing with hands as if saying, ‘come on beta, let us milk you coz you are riding a bike from MP’. Listening to no one, I used to take a complete U-turn with them shouting from behind (hahaha)

6. Finally, I became a bat-man. Bat-man roamed in nights, so did I! With high beam head-lights, nobody dared to see through my glare :-)

Believe me folks, it was a harrowing time. During that 9 months period, it seemed the whole police department of Pune was behind my little soul (read: my bike).

Summing it up, I believe Indian traffic rules about NOC are no good. They should cut the crap out of the system and make life easier rather than harassing good citizens like me or other ‘out of state’ people. Think of buying a car in Indiana, US and getting an NOC from all other 49 states to drive it from east coast to west coast. It’s absurd. Even though, I admit I shelled out a lot of money, I enjoyed fooling those white uniformed fat tummy people a lot. I hope they understand their responsibility now.